Freedom

 

The door shut once again at her back and made this violent sound as usual. It has always been the outcome of any scolding towards her recently. Again, Aunty Rachael had corrected one of her misdeeds.

          “Leave me alone”, Katrina shouted from the room as she started her silent but heart breaking cry. Her experiences for the last three years has been that of utmost sadness, resulting into her present depressed mood.

          Aunty Rachael had told her to stop mopping the house because she felt she couldn’t do it to her satisfaction. On this cool Saturday morning, Katrina had woken up early enough to do the normal Saturday house cores. This time, it didn’t go down well with her.

          “If you do not know how to simply mop the floor, I would rather you don’t do it at all. Now, there is so much soapy foam on the floor”, Aunty Rachael blurted out when she found her cleaning the sitting room. She said this in front of her children, belittling Katrina in their presence, which made her feel so hurt. It has always been like that. Nothing she does ever seems right for Aunty Rachael. She condemns every act and even when she tries to make things right, it never works out. Sometimes, Aunty Rachael could be right but other times, she just seems to confuse Katrina with her “never appreciative” tongue.

          This time, Katrina felt lost, down and traumatised. Her family challenges had made her feel so bad that most times, she feels she is not wanted by anyone. Katrina’s father had abandoned her in her infancy, after being born out of wedlock. Her maternal family took up the responsibility of taking care of her. All those while, she took her grandparents as being her parents while her mother and her siblings were her siblings as well. All of a sudden, her father came back with apologies and opted to marry Beatrice, her mother. Beatrice and Maurice seemed to have a blissful marriage at the beginning and Katrina was taken along.

          As time went on, with no other child coming forth, Maurice became an irresponsible father; also, Beatrice’s family claimed they hadn’t given out Katrina for adoption through their due custom, thus, she was taken back by her maternal family. Now, she has come to know that her grandparents were not her parents and her father was not responsible enough to take care of her. Beatrice, also, after going through a lot in the hands of her cheating husband, left the marriage.

          All these things have bothered Katrina greatly and anything at all that anyone says or does to show her mistakes, makes her feel worthless. This Saturday morning was one of those times she cried out from her painful heart.

          “No one seems to understand, no one seems to know what I feel. Things are not just right”, she screamed. “Things are not just right”, she repeated. “I am broken”, she said to herself as she banged the room door again. Anger welled up inside her, coupled with the feeling of self-pity and low self-esteem.

           Katrina had been staying with Aunty Rachael, her mother’s sister, and her family for the past three years. She didn’t feel she had a family in her aunt’s place. She always felt segregated, longing for her OWN family. One would say she was the one withdrawing herself because Aunty Rachael and her family loved her well enough; just that, they never understood she had a serious psychological trauma. They were now used to her quick anger and banging of doors.

          Suddenly, she fell asleep and once again, she dreamt of freedom, of a time, when she would have her dream family and a stable life. But when reality sets in, she would always say in between sobs, “Oh, Katrina, not again!”