When Love Happens

 

The lawn was calm and cosy. Nightfall was drawing nearer. Ken wanted us to meet in a public place, but at that time, it was no longer public. The lawn which was meant for prayers, was soon being deserted, as students and others who had come to pray began to leave gradually. He kept me waiting. I was pissed, but as I perceived his cologne from behind me, there was a sudden chill in my veins and my feet were cold.

“I’m so sorry,” he said, rather hurriedly, as he sat beside me, on the pavement which I carefully secured for our “meeting”.

“It’s OK,” I said to him, smiling without cause.

“So for how long have you been waiting?” Ken asked, still looking apologetic.

“Not long enough to spank you when I saw you, I guess.” I chuckled and he did same. Then came an uncomfortable silence. Perhaps, no one else was in the lawn tennis court, even the birds that kept me company before Ken showed up, seemed to have all disappeared. I stared hard at the tree on the other side of the court, trying to subdue the soft fear that gripped my mind. What I was afraid of, I couldn’t tell- the fear of darkness or the fear of being so close to Ken in an awkward manner.

Ken had told me over the phone that he loved me. I had a crush on him right from my first year in the university. It was my third year, and I knew quite well that crushes do not last that long. I knew it was love, something that will take over my being if and when reciprocated. That, he did. I had no choice but to tell him that I had been dying to have him too. We were workers in our students’ fellowship, but when love happens, sanity becomes farfetched. That was the reason for the late night meeting. I had so much to tell him, and yet, nothing came out of my lips, except a dry “how are you doing?”

“I’m doing great dear and you?” he asked, happy that I had broken the silence.

“I am good too,” I said calm, observing him, realising that he had been stirring the whole time, with eyes wet, wet from love, or perhaps, lust. I knew there was something about those eyes…

“So, about what we discussed on Friday…” he started, catching me unawares in my moulded up thoughts. “I really want to know your stance,” he continued. Feigning ignorance, I asked, “What do you mean?”

“Cathy, now that we know we are in love, what is the way forward?”

“You tell me, Ken.”

“Well, considering the fact that we love God and we have surrendered ourselves to His service, don’t you think we are going the wrong way?” Ken asked, holding my hand, as he always did while talking to me.

“Nothing has happened yet. Are you scared of anything?”

“Not really, just that I don’t want to do anything that will bring shame to the body of Christ,” he said, this time, looking straight into my eyes. I felt like he was cutting through my soul with his gaze.

“So what are you saying?”

“Can we remain friends?” Ken looked like a child whose cone of ice cream had been snatched forcefully. His face read pity. He loved God and was dedicated to Him alone without bothering about relationships, but love had taken him unawares.

“K,” I called him, “do you think my feelings for you will just disappear?” I asked, returning that pitiful look.

“Cathy, I love you so much, long before I told you, but I kept restraining myself, because I knew it was not the right time. I really wish we would even get married. I see what I want in a woman, in you. But this might grow into something else. That, I don’t want.”

His conclusion was emphatic, but within me, I felt like I wanted “that” which he didn’t want.

“We could still be in a Godly relationship,” I managed to say.

“But we are not ready for marriage yet.” He now stirred, lost.

“The atmosphere changed swiftly. Silence was warmly welcome. Ken began stroking my hair and tracing the lines of my temples. He drew closer to me, and in my confusion, I embraced him. He held on to me and I found comfort on his broad shoulders. Our faces were closer! Ken kept strolling with his hands up and down the length of my arms. I began to lose composure.

“Cathy…” Ken whispered, “I really do love you and I want the best for you” he said, still working carefully with his hands. His left hand gently went up to my cheeks and his right hand on my waist.

“I love you too,” I said to him, wrapped in a zone believers dread to stray to. My face rested on his shoulders and slowly went up to his. My lips, tracing his jaw and cheeks, landed on his. That burning passion was in his eyes. He shut them- shut the world, and kissed me, his hands under my blouse, doing what I did not care to know at that time. Our lips were open with wild desire; tongues used in speaking the language of spirits were exploring the depths of each other’s mouths. My hands went up to his chest and tried unbuttoning it. The first and second buttons came off. I guess he figured we had lost track and held my hands, detaching his lips and face from mine.

“God have mercy,” he blotted, panting. “Cathy… I’m sorry. I did not mean this to happen,” Ken said, his eyes still burning with desire. I knew he wanted me, just as much as I did. “Let’s go,” he said, almost immediately, picking up his school bag and helping me with mine.

The night, still silent, the moon and the stars witnessing the two compromising lovers, we hugged tightly and made a prayer, a prayer of forgiveness.